Mosaic

We had a terraced house. On one side lived Monty, a bouncer at Ronnie Scott’s, the famous jazz club. Monty was an interesting character. He came home late, laughing and shouting loudly to himself in the early morning streets. His car was a boom box. It pulsed and vibrated with music. You could tell he was approaching long before he arrived. There were reports about the psychotic behaviour of a bouncer at Ronnie Scott’s in the Evening Standard and in Private Eye. It wasn’t Monty, we were quite sure.

He had a large and wild-eyed dog, called King, or Raj, or Prince. Prince lived in the tiny back garden and barked incessantly. He did what dogs do, with consequences pungently experienced on a hot afternoon.

On the other side lived a house of exotic butterflies, young, beautiful boys and girls with long hair, top hats, hippy clothes, a VW camper van and PA system that rang out day and night. ‘Trevor is practising the drums, Mummy’ my son would say. ‘Yes, darling, I know’ I would shout in reply. The butterflies were in a band called Miranda Sex Garden – classical gothic fusion. Their parties went for several days, frequently outside our bedroom window. Drunken girls sang along to Tequila Sunrise. Even at 4.30 in the morning I experienced this as an error of taste. I’d spot them later over the garden wall. ‘We tour managed Johnny Rotten. I’m friends with the Gang of Four, my boyfriend was the lead singer of the Mekons.’ Hip credentials jostled in my head, waiting to be spoken. I knew it would be desperate and sad to utter them.

Occasionally the doorbell rang. ‘My boyfriend is really ill. You have children. You must have a thermometer’ said Katherine, sex-pot singer songwriter. I mumbled. ‘I’m terribly sorry’ I said. What does the failure to own a thermometer tell you about a mother? I asked myself, full of shame as I  closed the front door.

Maybe the neighbours wouldn’t mind a screaming, whining, marble wet saw roaring all day in the garden, it occurred to me.

Exotic butterflies Miranda Sex Garden

Posted under: Mosaic by Emma Biggs | Tags: disadvantages of dogs > Emma Biggs > Gang of Four > living with neighbours > Miranda Sex Garden > use of a wet saw > young mothers