I have been experimenting with new materials. The colours are inspiring, the materials are interesting, but every combination I put together looks either flat or familiar. I have been working direct, for the speed of the process, but although I can make local relationships work, the overall effect is pedestrian. I don’t give up. I chop out the work, and start again. Piles of adhesive covered materials build up on every surface. My new experiment is not working. I try something else. It doesn’t work either. I get out the hammer, and create even more trays of cubes and adhesive coated smalti soaking in water. The chaotic surroundings seem to reflect my state of mind, it’s out of control, but I can’t tidy up. Old cups and tea and coffee fill the studio. I can’t take the time to sweep the floor. Somehow, from the chaos, the solution will appear. In the meantime, everything looks worse and worse. I work until I no longer care, until the experiments are desperate, nihilistic and absurd. At the point where I am really out of control, something genuinely playful arrives. I am surprised by what I see. The blackness lifts, and I have a feeling of real delight.